Agony by Heartache
by love from elysium
Summary: The night of Harry's 17th birthday he decides to go talk with Ginny and tell her what she deserves to know. Though parting ways, if only for a little while always hurts, sometimes sweet memories can make it a little less painful. Fluff & strong language


**Disclaimer: I siriusly don't own the Harry Potter series.**

**WARNING: Fluff ahead. Advance with caution.**

**A quick thank you to the bands Our Lady Peace, Matchbox 20, The Killers and Howie Day for all the inspiration they've given my writing. If you haven't heard of these guys than man are you missing out. If you have, well, you have good taste in music.**

**Just one last thing, there is some strong language in here. Just a heads up in case you're sensitive to that.**

**Enjoy :D**

**Agony By Heartache **

When the last conversation topic had been worn out at last, Remus and Tonks insisted on leaving has it was "getting quite late". A slightly drunken Hagrid followed their lead, heading to the door while singing a very tone deaf version of a Goblin folk song.

"See ya a' school, Harry," he called over his shoulder before slamming the door shut so hard is made the china cabinet rattle angrily. Tonks grinned at Harry and rolled her eyes. It had been a long day. Remus had the ghost of a smile on his face that was always held in place by his wife presence. He shook Harry's hand.

"We best be off too, mate." she said giving him a playful punch in the shoulder.

"Happy Birthday, Harry."

"Thanks Remus. And thank you both for the portable potion making kit."

"You're very welcome." Putting a hand on his wife shoulder who leaned into his side.

"Harry," Remus continued in a more serious tone, taking a breath, "We know that you're now considered an adult yourself and Dumbledore has entrusted you with quite the burden which we all believe you are very capable of handling. But," "he took another breath, "We also think it's important that you know that you shouldn't ever be afraid to ask for help. I a sure you no one will look down on you for that. Even if you're just in need of some advice you know we're always, always here for you no matter the occasion or circumstances." Remus gave a weak, sad smile.

"That does truly mean a lot, Remus. Once again I find myself thanking you two." Harry said, realizing the love he felt for them. Breaking the serious moment as usual, Tonks said;

"Well, I'm glad you said that one, Remus, because if it had been left up to me I probably would have said something like "just don't die, Harry because if you do the rest of us will be in a lot of shit"." They laughed at that.

"Thanks Tonks," Harry said honestly.

"Anytime."

"Come on, Love, let's go home," Remus said pressing his lips to her forehead.

"I'll meet you outside in a sec," she whispered back stealing three quick kisses from his lips. When Remus had left the room she turned back to him and sighed, her expression slightly less playful and a little sad.

"Harry, what did you do to Ginny?" Harry didn't meet her eyes, feeling ashamed.

"I broke up with her."

"Why?"

"Because I had to."

"Why?"

"To keep her safe."

"From what?"

"Everything!" This was a touchy subject for him and he could feel himself losing his control and slowly breaking down as he continued, "Just being around me is dangerous for her. Voldemort could easily use her to get to me like he did already just four years ago. I can't let that happen, Tonks. I can't _lose_ her like that."

"Then tell her that. You know just as well as I do that you hurt her even if that was the last thing you wanted to do. You also know just as well as I do that you got hurt in the process." Then she said a little more softly, "I saw her go outside a little while ago with her Quidditch gloves. She looked angry and like she was about to cry. I think we both know that Ginny Weasley does not cry without good reason." Harry just nodded. Tonks smiled her proper Tonks smile. "So you better get out there, say you're sorry and snog her senseless."

Harry grinned at her and gave her a hug. "Thanks Tonks."

"Wotcher Harry," Then she open the door to leave. "And you two better keep it legal out there. You may have turned seventeen today but _she_ didn't!" With a wink, she shut the door.

Harry had taken Tonks' words to heart just as sincerely as he had Remus'. He knew she was right but felt butterflies flutter into his stomach at the prospect of facing her right now especially after what had happened today up in her bedroom. _You owe it to her_ he thought. Taking a deep breath he step outside.

Harry knew that she would be up on the hill that held the white marquee for Bill and Fleur's wedding tomorrow because that was where the broom cupboard storing all the Quidditch equipment was. He also knew that it was a beautiful place for flying. The burrow was surrounded by a small forest and muggle village which made it feel like you were part of a fairy tale when you flew up above.

Half way up the hill Harry found Ginny zipping around up in the sky. He decided to sit down under a young birch tree and watch her for a while as he realized that he may not have that may more opportunities to do so in the future. She was a brilliant flier. Her turns looked natural and effortless as she glided through the air. After twenty too short minutes, she landed. Harry wished she would've kept on flying for even just a minute longer. Not only was her flying mesmerizing, a certain beauty seemed to radiate from that kept him staring with his mouth slightly parted in awe.

Harry walked up behind her as she put her broomstick back in the cupboard and threw her Quidditch gloves in the grass.

"You are an amazing flier, Ginny," he said quietly behind her. She whipped around.

"Harry?"

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you," he said looking at his feet, embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." They looked at each other for a minute, not in an awkward way, just not really knowing what to say next.

"Ginny, what happened today in your room-"

"Harry, if this is going to hurt me then _please_ don't say it."

"You have to know I never, ever wanted to hurt you the way I did. I promise you it hurt me, too," he said looking into her eyes, willing her to believe him.

"Then why would you leave me like that, Harry?" her voice little more than a whisper. Harry could see pain riddled in her eyes.

"Ginny, you know I only wanted to protect you. I needed to protect you. He has used you before to try and get to me and it nearly worked. If I lost you..."

"That's not a good enough answer, Harry. What about Ron and Hermione? I don't remember you telling them you couldn't be friends with them anymore. Voldemort could just as easily use them to get to you but no, _they_ get to stick around because they're part of the famous golden trio." Her tone was no longer soft but now angry and sarcastic, acting as a defence mechanism for the underlying hurt.

"I tried to convince them not to come with me to do what I have to do but they weren't having it," he retorted, his voice now raised as well.

"Then take me with you, too!" she pleaded with him angrily, tears sliding down her cheeks which she tried to quickly wipe away. " I could help too, you know. It's not like you'd be carrying around a toddler. I'm certainly more capable than Ron."

"I don't doubt that but that's not why I've agreed to take them along. They already know too much."

"Well they had to learn what they know from someone! Honestly, Harry, can't you bloody see how selfish you're being? Why can't you just fucking swallow your pride and take me with you?" she was bawling now. The angry tears continued to pour from her lovely eyes and once again it had been him who had caused them.

"Because I love you, damn it! I love you so much and I can't lose you like that, Ginny. I can't. You mean everything to me and there is no way in hell I could live through each day knowing that you're not somewhere living it too. And it scares me," his voice cracking, tears running down his face, "The way I need you."

Ginny was looking him in the eyes for a long moment but Harry's emotions were running too high to read her expression.

"C'mere, you," she whispered just barely loud enough for him to hear, taking two steps towards him. He held her tightly against his chest, face in her hair. With her arms around his neck she pressed her lips to crook between the base of his neck and shoulder.

"And I love you, too," whispered in his ear with little hick-upping sobs. Though they were both still silently crying, she put her mouth on his, kissing him deeply. Harry reacted intensely, kissing her back passionately. His hands running up and down her back, hers knotted in his hair. _His wonderful hair. _Her tongue asked for permission on his lips to deepen the kiss which was eagerly granted. A couple minutes later they had to break the kiss because of a lack of oxygen. Panting heavily, they hugged each other all the more tightly.

"You can't leave," she croaked, crying harder than ever, "Harry you can't do this to me."

"Oh, Gin," he moaned, "You know I would never ever do this if it wasn't absolutely necessary."

"How do you expect me to make it through each day not knowing where you are or if you're even _alive_?" her voice cracked on the last word in agony.

"You're going to have to to be brave, Honey. I know you are."

She shook her head. "I can't do this without you," she whispered.

"Yes you can. Do everything as if I was right there holding your hand and whispering to you how much in love with you I am." He put his forehead against hers. "I love you baby doll," he said quietly.

"I love you," she answered

And then they were kissing again. Not wanting to waste a single second of their diminishing time left together. Harry had never truly understood the meaning of heart ache until that moment. It was a draining, literal ache in his chest that made it hard to cope with the future. That made him want to hold onto Ginny as tightly as he could and never let go.

"Thank God I told you before I had to leave, otherwise I would have been beating myself up the whole time," he said huskily after they had finished, "And if...anything was to happen to me I would want you to know how I felt."

"Well, if anything happens to you I'll make sure the same thing happens to me." Knowing what she was implying Harry's blood went cold.

"Ginny, you can't say things like that. That's not true. If something happens to me you can't act rash like that. You would get over it, you're strong," he said, more comforting himself than Ginny.

"Do you see how hypocritical you're being? What if it was me who died, Harry. Would you want to live the rest of your life with the one you love gone?" He didn't answer.

"I can't live without you any more than you can live without me."

"What about your family, Ginny? Do you have any idea what that would do to your mother?" She seemed to think he made a decent point but didn't admit it.

"I'm done talking about this," she said, "I don't know how much time left we have together and I don't want to waste it arguing about if's, but's and maybe's. Let's stick with what we know for certain; I love you and I love telling to that I love you and I love hearing you say that you love me."

"Well, in that case, I love you," he whispered before pressing his lips to her neck. Ginny closed her eyes, loving the feeling of him on her skin. Trying to remember every little detail of the blissful sensation for the days where it wouldn't be available to her. She knew those were going to be hard days but a sweet memory may help to make them a little less bitter.

Ginny sat down in the cold grass pulling Harry down beside her by the hand. They lay with their faces just inches apart.

"Harry?"

"Yes, doll?"

"I just want to keep you talking so I can hear your voice." He smiled at her.

"What should I talk about?"

"When did you realize you were in love with me?" He took her hand in his, entwining their fingers before he spoke.

"I first realized I was in love with you the same night I realized I had to break up with you. I was sitting in the window sill in my dorm with Headwig. I couldn't sleep because Ron was snoring so loud and I just all around had a lot to think about. Especially since Dumbledore had just died and I was scared that now I was truly on my own in this one. Even now I'm still scared. But even in the midst of all that I still found I was always thinking about you. What you were doing, how you were feeling, when would I see you next, the last time you had kissed me or held my hand,"he took his other hand and caught a tear that was falling from her face before continuing.

"I found I was scared to know you were always on my mind. I was scared I was getting too attached to you in a way I'd never been with anyone else. I realized I was falling in love with you. So then I had to make one of the hardest decisions I've ever been faced with."

"You left me because you loved me," she finished for him in a whisper. Harry just nodded, brushing the rebel strands of hair from her face.

After a night silence she asked, "How long?".

"How long what, doll?"

"Will you be gone?"

"I honestly have no idea,"

"This will be harder than ever." He just nodded. He couldn't deny it or sugar coat it. It was what it was.

Harry woke up sometime later feeling cold. Ginny was asleep in the grass next to him. The sky was turning grey and the wedding was just hours away so they had better try and get a bit more sleep in. He pick Ginny up gently and held her close as he walked back towards the burrow. As he shut the door behind him she stirred.

"Harry?"

"Shhh, I'm here, go back to sleep, Gin." She held on to him with her face pressed into his chest.

Harry tiptoed as quietly as he could up the creaking stairs. He went into her bedroom laid her gently on her bed. The he took off her shoes and tucked the covers around her. She was already asleep again.

"I love you," he whispered and kissed her forehead lightly. Just as he had almost shut the door behind him he heard her voice.

"Sleep here tonight," she whispered. He smiled.

"Ginny what would your mother think, or Ron?"

"Please?"

"Ginny."

"You'll regret it once you're gone." He sighed and came back in shutting the door.

"You're right," he said crawling in beside her, "I would."

She laid her head on his chest. He stroked her back.

"I love you."

"I love you."

**The End! Hope you enjoyed it. This was in my head for while and though it's not my best writing I needed to get it out so thanks for reading. Review to tell me what you think and if you would be interested in another one like this or a chaptered Harry/Ginny post-war fic.**

**Thanks again!**

**Wolfie Marauder signing out.**


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